Warning Labels
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Warning
“This bottle of Coke says be careful when opening, cap may explode…blah blah. Has anyone actually seen a cap blow off a soda bottle, much less injure someone?”
“Nope. I guess it’s always possible though.”
“Remember that time I tried to make root beer in a two liter bottle and added two much yeast? Even then the cap didn’t fly off.”
“Yeah, the bottle expanded so much that it cracked and the pressure from the fermentation pushed all of the liquid out, but the bottle was still pressurized and hard as a rock!”
“Then I opened it up and filled it with water to see where the leak was, but I couldn’t find it.”
“Once you let the air out to put the water in, it depressurized and contracted back down and hid the cracks. Simple physics. Cool though.”
“Even with all that, the cap never blew off.”
“See? So it’s a pointless warning.”
“The world’s full of pointless warnings.”
“It’s too bad friends don’t come with warnings.”
“Warning: Geeky Caffeine-addict. May hyper-actively talk about newest video card model.”
“Hey, you didn’t have to listen!”
“Warning: Narcoleptic Gambler. May decide to cook very aromatically seasoned steak at 5:30 am.”
“Hey, when you’ve got a hankering for steak..”
“It’s not a very pleasing smell for a vegetarian to wake up to in the morning though.”
“I could buy a spinach air freshener for you if you like?”
Scott bursts out laughing.
“As long as you don’t buy, and wear, that bacon cologne you showed me..”
“Warning: Anal-Retentive brunette is modern day Big Brother.”
“Anal-Retentive? I’m anal-retentive?” Tabitha yells, and starts hitting Scott.
“Ow! Ow! Did I mention you’re very pretty?” Scott interjects, trying to duck Tabitha’s blows..”
“Only very?” Tabitha queries, rearing her fist back as if to punch him again.
“Magnificantly, Very very! Most hotest!” Scott says quickly.
“Most hotest?”
“Sounds like something you would say about a stove..”
“Then it might apply best to the flame-haired one over there.” Billy says, indicating Ann.
“My hair’s been blond for months!”
“Billy looks more closely. So it is..You changed it again!”
“Months ago! Last year!”
“No..”
“Yeah, no way. I would’ve noticed.”
“Had to be this week. Definitely.”
Tabitha rolls her eyes. “Guys! No wonder you can never describe to us what girls you meet look like.”
Tags: 6th Floor, Coke, explosions, root beer, steak, video cards, Warning labels
Super Bowl Sunday
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Super Bowl Sunday
After spending the day proclaiming myself the premier Giants fan in the apartment, Ann
demanded that I write this post after the game. Frank’s a Panther fan, Sara and Billy like the Jets, Ann calls herself a Bills fan, and Tabitha, when I demanded she pick a team, chose the Browns because she thought it was a silly name for a football team.
Action continues at the end of the fourth quarter.
“There is still one second left! Get off the field so we can finish this!”
“Why bother? Do we really need to go through the process of Eli catching a football to finalize it? He’s not going to drop it and then have the Patriots recover for a touchdown, that’s just stupid.”
“League rules though.”
“They’ve already hit Coughlin with the Gatorade, that’s good enough for me.”
“Some good commercials though.”
“Hey, let’s bask in the glory of the Giants championship a little before we discuss mundane advertisements.”
“The last time the Mets won the World Series, it was after the Giants won the Super Bowl.”
“Aren’t you jinxing it a little bit?”
“Nah. Come to think of it, the last time the other local football team won, the Mets won the World Series also.”
“Well, maybe the Mets win and then it’s the Jets turn next year?”
“That’s definitely a jinx.”
“Anything in association with the Jets is a jinx.”
“I liked the Thanksgiving balloon commercial with Stewie and Underdog racing for the bottle of coke.”
“Oh fine. Let’s discuss the commercials. It was a little surprising to see Charlie Brown of all people prevail though.”
“Brown never prevails. He’s like the Jets.”
“Stewie is usually foiled too…and Underdog by nature is not favored to win.”
“Good point.”
“The Garmin ad where the reenacter shamefully hides the electronic device after he uses it to get there was funny. I like the catchy song too, Garmin, Garmiiin.” Sara sings.
“Somehow I don’t think it’d find that forest though.”
A Geico caveman commercial comes on, where the cavemen mock the Caveman tv show.
“Did the Geico Cavemen just mock the television show?”
“They sure did. Even they know it sucked.”
“That Doritos commercial was awesome! The one where he baits the trap for the mouse.”
“And then the giant mouse leaps out of the wall and beats the crap out of him? Classic.”
“The Sales Genie commercials were pretty bad though.”
“Yeah, they lose. Worse than the Patriots.”
“I kind of enjoyed the Diet Pepsi Max with ginseng commercials. The one where they’re all head-bobbing and falling asleep.”
“The best part was seeing Joe Buck falling asleep. I guess he bores even himself.”
“No no, the best part is right at the end where the guy yells ‘Stop it!’ at the two girls.”
“That was one of the best Super Bowls ever, but now I’m going to hit the hay. Early shift tomorrow.”
“Hit the hay? I don’t think anyone actually uses that phrase anymore..unless you are headed out to a barn.”
“You should convert your room into a hay loft. That’d be pretty cool.”
“Maybe tomorrow. Tonight I’m going to ‘go to sleep’. Better?”
“Kind of boring, but I accept it.”
“Good, goodnight.”
“Is it too early to call in sick so I can attend the parade on Tuesday?”
“Not if you’re working tomorrow..I’m sure George will accept that you somehow know you’re going to get sick after your shift tomorrow already.”
“You’re right. I’ll wait ’till Tuesday morning, but you better remind me. George always yells at me for forgetting to call in.”
“Aren’t you supposed to get someone to cover for you anyway? You could ask at your shift tomorrow..”
“Hey, you’re right! I could do that..Bernice owes me a favor anyway. She’ll like this better than the other thing I keep suggesting..”
“You know, one of these days your going to get sued for sexual harassment doing stuff like that.”
“All I meant was burn me a couple of DVDs from her collection. What were you thinking you sicko?”
“I’m sure that’s all you meant.”
“Sexual innuendo? Me? Never!”
Tags: ads, Coke, commercials, doritos, garmin, giants, giants win, innuendo, jets, Mets, parade, pepsi, stewie, Super Bowl, super bowl xlii
The Party From Hell
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann , Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Party from Hell
“So why do we have to go to this party?”
“Because they’re new in the building and it can’t hurt to welcome them in and make new friends can it? Isn’t that how we met Sue and Amy when we moved in?”
“Amy and Sue are hot though.”
“What are their names?”
“Jack and Cinthia. The party’s at John’s, on the 7th floor, who you should know.”
“John’s the guy with the daughter who sells girl scout cookies right?”
“‘Figures that’s what you remember about him. Thin mints.”
“I think my stomach has a better memory than my brain sometimes.”
“We’re here. Hi John!”
John: “Hi guys! Come on in!”
“Hello. So you have any thin mints hiding anywhere?”
John: “Nope, sorry Billy.”
“Lets say hello to Jack and Cinthia and then find a corner to hang out in.”
“Sounds good.”
So we do just that, and find ourselves a spot near the window out of the way.
“I’ll go get us some drinks, come help me carry Tabitha.”
“So Jack seems nice. What was it he said he did?”
“Something about trade..or commerce. Shipping? I don’t know. Frank?”
“What? Oh..I wasn’t listening, sorry.”
“Whatever it was, it was boring.”
“We’ve got a dire situation, we have to go.”
“Go? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, he’s just upset because they have no alcohol.”
“No booze?! Lets go.”
“We can’t go, we just got here. You’ll live without a drink.”
“Drinks are the only way I can get through party’s like this. There is nothing more boring than a party with casual acquaintances.”
“Look, lets get some soda, wander around and talk to everyone, and then we can politely leave, with everyone having remembered talking to us.”
“Fine. We already talked to Jack and Cinthia, so let’s talk to the others.” Billy looks over to the rest of the people. “Mike! Come here!”
Mike: “Hi guys, what’s up? Nice to see you.”
“So how are you Mike? What are you up to lately? How’s work? Good? Great. We’re all fine, normal stuff. Tabitha did great on her finals, is thinking about waitressing for the summer for some money. Isn’t that wonderful? Okay, you can go now, nice talking to you Mike.”
Mike: “Uhhh..umm..I..Terrific! Nice seeing you!”
Mike walks away confused.
“That doesn’t count! Be nice!”
“Do we even like these people?”
“About as much as fruit salad.”
“Fruit Salad?”
“Not a bad dessert, but not quite what you’re looking for.”
Sara groans and flicks Scott’s ear. “That wasn’t funny.”
“Come on, lets go get some soda and talk to some people. We can worry about leaving later.”
“Oh fine, lets go.”
Brett: “Hey 6th Floorers, how’s life treating you down there?”
“A hell of a lot better then being on the 14th floor. I can’t imagine having to wait for the elevator all the time to get up that high.”
Brett: “The view from my bedroom is so worth it!”
“Not as good as the view in Ann’s bedroom I bet.” Scott says with a wink.
Ann punches Scott. “You’ve never seen the view, so how would you know?”
Henry: “Ann! Good to see you! You written anything lately?”
“I’ve been writing in our blog, but other than that nothing since we were helping each other out last year.”
Henry: “Yeah, why did we stop doing that anyway? I’ve been too busy to get much writing done since then either.”
“We stopped because Carol got jealous that you’d meet me once a week.”
Henry: “Oh. Right.”
“Where did Scott go?”
“He was right here a second ago.”
“He better not have left!”
“I’ll go check the hall for him.”
“Aha, no! You stay right here. No sneaking out.”
“But it’s so boring! And the soda’s not even name brand!”
“Oh woe is you. You have to drink a White Rock cola instead of a Coke. The world’s going to come to an end.”
“How do you know it won’t?”
“I’m a college student remember? I know everything.”
“Come on, lets go talk to Jack and Cinthia some more, make them feel welcome.”
“Ugh, could there be more boring people on the face of the earth?”
Cinthia: “Who’s boring?”
“These two guys I work with. They drone on and on about nothing. It’s a pain to have to work with them.”
Cinthia: “I understand, everyone can’t be as exciting as me!”
“Yeah, I guess I should just be thankful that everyone is not as boring as them.”
As Cinthia walks away, Tabitha whispers to Billy. “Nice save there.”
“Wouldn’t want them hating us right off the bat. We should give them at least a month for that.”
“Maybe even two months.”
We mingled for a little while longer, and then slipped out as some other people arrived. Scott was already asleep on the couch watching television when we got back downstairs.
Tags: 14th Floor, 7th floor, Alcohol, Amy, Booze, boring people, Brett, Cinthia, Coke, girl scout cookies, Henry, Jack, John, Mike, Sue, thin mint, welcome party, White Rock Cola