Frank’s Rant
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Frank’s Rant
“Stupid weather! Why has it been cold, windy or rainy all week? Where’s spring and summer? Baseball has started. It’s supposed to be warm. I’m tired of jackets!”
“Well April showers bring May flowers!”
“And I care about flowers? Are there natural flowers on this island anyway? It’s all concrete. Everything that grows is planted and watered and cultivated!”
“What do May flowers bring?”
Tabitha and Billy together: “Pilgrims!”
“You guys are dorks.”
“Everything’s so dreary. The economy sucks, I somehow owe money to the government, I haven’t been able to sleep in days and I haven’t had a date in a month!”
“Maybe you should try keeping more normal hours. I can’t imagine it’s easy to meet women at four am.”
“Not the cheap kind anyway, if you know what I mean.” Scott winks.
“Actually, that probably is the cheap ones. I’d imagine the higher priced ones have already found a client by then, not looking for the first drunk guy to stumble out of a bar.”
“I’m not that desperate anyway! Screw them and their diseases! Wake up at the crack of dawn like Sara? Not for me! Maybe I need to take a trip somewhere. Get out of the city, connect with nature.”
“Maybe you just need some fresh air, and some outside stimulation. But let me know if you go somewhere. I worry.”
“Yes, I know you worry. I’ll keep you updated. Maybe I should make a twitter account and update it constantly so you know exactly where I am at all times!”
“Or we could install a GPS tracking device on you.”
“Perfect. I’ll get right on that. Maybe I’ll just get it implanted into my shoulder. Fine, fresh air. I’m going for a walk. We have an umbrella right? Oh, I see it there drying from when Ann came in. I’m borrowing it. Talk to you later.” Frank takes the umbrella and leaves.
“That was quite a rant.”
Tags: april showers, baseball, cold, flowers, gps, hookers, jokes, may flowers, rain, rant, twitter, umbrella, weather, wind
Frank’s Escape
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Frank’s Escape
“I’m so tired of the cold!” Tabitha shouts from the couch, curled up in a ball in a blanket and drinking hot chocolate.
“Relax Tab, it’s not that cold out.”
“I hear it’s well below freezing in
“Contrary to belief, knowing that’s it’s colder elsewhere doesn’t make it warmer here.”
“That’s very deep. Maybe you just need another blanket.”
“If you give her more blankets, she may drown!”
“At least Frank’s warm.”
“Frank’s warm? Wait..where is he?”
“Vegas.”
“VEGAS?! And no one told me? You know how I hate being left in the dark.”
“Sorry, he made us promise not to tell you right away.”
“I shouldn’t be surprised. Can I call him and berate him? He’s probably still asleep given west coast time.”
“Go for it, he’ll probably get a kick out of you being annoyed.”
“Sometimes I think he goes on these trips as much to get a rise out of you as for any other reason.”
“Ugh, so when is he coming back?”
“Dunno. Later?”
“You never ask the important questions.”
“I’m sure he’ll be back for the Super Bowl.”
“Well Tabitha, you don’t look cold anymore.”
“This really gets the blood boiling huh?”
“If Frank keeps pulling stunts like this we may be able to save on heating.”
6th Floor Chatter
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann, Sara, Frank, and Scott.
Subject: 6th Floor Chatter
“I saw the most ridiculous thing today.”
“Scott’s new haircut?”
“My new haircut is dashing. Don’t be acting jealous now.”
“This woman was pushing a stroller and talking on her cellphone. No big deal, no, but then she got to the stairs, and now she’s talking on the phone while trying to bounce the stroller up the stairs.”
“Some people just have no common sense.”
“Did you go over and help her?”
“Some guy did, as she got up the first 2-3 steps.”
“I saw something that pissed me off too.”
“Your face?”
“Lame. No, I was in a lobby downtown on my laptop and drinking coffee, and they had those automated doors. This suit must’ve been waiting for a ride or something because he kept peering outside, and every time he did this he’d walk by the magic eye, opening the door. This flushed out all the heat and attacked everyone sitting nearby with a gust of cold air. Infuriating.”
“Magic eye? You mean motion sensor right?”
“Magic eye sounds cooler.”
“Like those squinty image in an image things?”
“Sure.”
Tags: 6th Floor, automatic door, cellphone, cold, idiots, magic eye, people, people watching, stroller
The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year?
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Final Month
“I warned you!” Ann intones, walking into the living 
room.
“No! Dive for cover!” Frank leaps behind the couch.
“I always feel like a celebrity talking to a tabloid when you ‘interview‘ us like this Ann.”
“Well then it’s good practice for when you are a celebrity right?”
“Oh sure, of course. Any day now.” Tabitha rolls her eyes.
“Fine, since you’re all in such a bitchy mood … Let’s do what you hate most about December.”
“That’s easy. The extra crazy lines for even the simplest of purchases.”
“Not a huge fan of the cold.”
“Christmas cards. I hate the buggers. Really, you wish me a happy holiday? Isn’t that nice of you, let me hang onto this generic piece of paper to collect dust for a month!”
“The wretched heat in some places. They figure It’s always going to be 20 out and blast it, but today, and many days in December are actually kind of nice. I wish they’d have a little more control over being able to set the thermostat day to day.”
“I hate seeing another year ticking to a close without me seemingly accomplishing anything. Tick..Tick…”
“Frank?”
….
“Frank! I see you behind the couch!”
“Fine. I hate the tree.”
“The Tree? The Rockefeller center Tree? Are you a terrorist? How can you hate the tree?!”
“No, I just hate the tree and the whole idolization behind it. Big deal, it’s a big freaking tree. And who in their right mind goes ice skating there? It’s packed like sardines!”
“Wow..maybe he is a terrorist.”
“But Frank..what about that wonderful scene in Home Al…”
Frank cuts her off. “Don’t even get me started on Home Alone 2. I’ll never watch something with Macaulay Culkin in it again.”
Tags: christmas cards, christmas tree, cold, December, heat, home alone, lines, macaulay culkin, rockefeller center, shopping
The Bitter End
Welcome to the 6th floor.
Today’s contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: The Bitter End
The holidays have come and gone too fast and it’s back to the daily grind for most of us. Holiday decorations have started to come down, and even the leftovers have been eaten or disposed of. Soon discarded Christmas trees will start to line the curbs having outlived their usefulness. The weather has dropped to sub-zero temperatures so that cheeks are turning rosy and noses feel like they’re going to succumb to frostbite. Everyone is bundled up and rushing about from place to place even faster than usual, desperate to get out of the cold. It’s almost as if all the love and warmth of Christmas has been sucked out of the city to leave us with a cold dispassionate wasteland.
I exit the subway, taking the exit that’s farther away because it’s closer to my destination and allows me to stay out of the cold for an extra 50 feet. Everyone is bundled up in hats and scarves and gloves, and the few that aren’t look miserable. Every drop of moisture is quick to freeze; globules of spit have frozen to the sidewalk and coffee quickly cools off between the coffee shop and the office. Even though it’s technically been winter for a couple of weeks, this is the first time you walk outside and think to yourself ‘I want to just stay in and hide under my blankets all day’. The calendar has turned to 2008, and it’s tempting to think of the future, of spring, baseball, barbecues, and the beach but there is still two or three long cold months to dredge through. There are snowstorms, ice pockets, slushy street corners that you have to leap over, cleaning off and warming up your car in the morning if you have one and always wondering if the jacket, hat, and gloves you brought with you are warm enough. Snowstorms can be beautiful, and plenty of people prefer the cold snaps of January to the heat waves of July, but when you’re shivering while standing around waiting for a subway or a bus or a taxi, you’re rarely thinking of how beautiful the snow looks against the backdrop of the Empire State Building.
The best part of the day is upon me, as I can return to my apartment until tomorrow, safely out of the elements and surrounded by my loving friends. The apartment is full of energy and warmth, and it’s easy to forget it’s below zero outside when you’re joking around watching family guy reruns or playing Apples to Apples, a game Tabitha got for christmas. I unlock the door and go in.
“Hey Ann! We’re going to watch Evan Almighty. You in?”
“Sure, I love Steve Carell.”
“I’ve got a pot of hot chocolate on the stove. You want some?”
“Wow, I can’t think of anything I want more. I brought marshmallows and whipped cream.” Ann says, holding up the bag from the store.
“Add a splash of Rumplemintz in there, nothing like warm peppermint to soothe your soul.”
“And your liver!”
“I hate to admit he’s right, but it does taste good this way.” Sara says, indicating the mug of hot chocolate she’s drinking.
“Bring those marshmallows over here!”
“With pleasure.”
Tags: 6th Floor, bitter cold, christmas, cold, freezing, Friends, hot chocolate, love, Manhattan, New Years, new york, rumplemintz, snow, temperature, wasteland