Then hit the batting cages, work on your knuckleball (which by the way, R.A. Dickey would teach you if you win this auction to benefit Shannon Forde) and start working off some of that excess fat and then place a call to Sandy Alderson, get signed to the New York Mets and be on the team when they win a game at home.
Or if that sounds like too much work, Read the Apple is running a kickstarter to make a Captain Shorts t-shirt.
